kisses and misses.
Ask me anything
Ask me anything
It’s been awhile, and I’m sorry for not tending to any real reflection lately. Truth is, 2011 was full of changes, much of which happened so quickly that I had no time to reflect on here, let alone for myself. And the danger of that is that I lose my sense of what’s true to me.
After returning from our second trip to Thailand and Indonesia for the holidays with much reluctance, reality hit me like a ton of bricks. Not that I did not expect it to hit me so hard, but the harder it hit the more I wanted to hit back. So much that I’ve been rethinking my entire course in life. The job I had taken in July with a mix of trepidation and anticipation started off with a lot of promise. But the last couple of months have been so trying on my patience that it stretched my limits so far that I think I may break soon. So while hopping around Asia for a couple of weeks, it’s no wonder that the temptation to simply stay there was so strong. It made me question if I had made the right decision to take that job in the first place. While I don’t regret my decision, because it triggered a chain of events that lead to where I am today, so for that I’m grateful, but it does make me question if this really is right for me. I have no answers for this at the moment. I plan on waiting it out and see how things pan out on my one year mark, then reassess the situation and find the right moment to strike.
On the relationship front, we’ve made some leaps and bounds in the way we see our relationship. We’re inching toward our fourth year, and we’ve been through so much together. It’s only natural that we begin to see things more clearly, more honestly, more simply. We’re still very strong together, for that I feel blessed to have him in my life. He’s been struggling with his career path as well, and his breaking point is much closer to mine. He’d already plotted out his exit strategy, his next steps, some of which involve us being apart for awhile. I’m not so worried about the separation, since we’ve been separated before. I only wish I can go on that adventure with him. This potentially will set off another chain of events which may change a lot of how things are now, like where I’ll be living the next few months, if/when I’ll consider my job change, just to start.
This past trip made me realize that I need to be more agile, which spurred on my next goal to simplify again, and edit down everything —anything from my personal material goods, to ideas, thoughts, connections, people, so that I can readily be flexible and change as needed when circumstances call for it. After all, those who are most adaptable to change are more prone to survive.
Some goals for the year:
:: clear student loans (I can’t believe I’m still paying for it)
:: save enough to last at least a couple years in Asia (including airfare)
:: stay myself (a constant struggle since the job change)
:: make shit (craft, knit, paint, photograph, connect with people and make shit together)
:: only what I need (don’t buy things I won’t use or consume)
2011 was full of changes, much of which were difficult, but it’s not over. 2012 may very well be the biggest change we’ll experience in all our lives. Let’s try and use this opportunity to make it a change for good.
